Planning a wedding is not easy. Planning a wedding when you’re at risk for potentially hurting the feelings of your guests is even harder! While developing the dreaded guest list, many brides and grooms have to make the decision about whether or not to include a +1, better known as the “& guest.” Normally, this is decision based on budget, however, the bride and groom also have every right to just say no to inviting plus ones to their wedding that they really don’t know.
However, if you do decide to opt out of the “& guest” option, you will likely need to be prepared to handle the “& guest” RSVP you’ll receive down the road. No joke here! While many people are quite familiar with the etiquette of wedding responses, you will almost certainly have a guest (or two, or four) who still believe they are entitled to bring a guest. I’m not talking close family here, I’m talking about the long lost cousin or friend who JUST started dating a new guy last week.
This is where a list of prepared responses will come in handy. Examples (feel free to use):
- “We’re so sorry, we’re trying to stick to budget and have already finalized our guest list, but we’ll let you know closer to the date if we have some extra room for your new guy!”
- “We’d love to meet your new boyfriend, but we’re really limited on space for the reception. He’s more than welcome to come to the wedding ceremony though!
- “We’re so excited that you are able to make it to the wedding, however we’re not able to allow everyone a guest. We’ve limited it to husbands, wives and fiances only.”
Always be sure to express your sincere regrets for not being able to allow a date for a guest, when applicable. I know that for most people it’s not that you absolutely want your friend or cousin to come alone to your wedding. It’s just that most people don’t have an unlimited amount of cash (or space) to allow everyone’s boyfriend, girlfriend, close friend, etc.
In the end, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But you do want to be reasonable and you should expect the same from your guests. When in doubt, just be upfront and honest…I think in the end it will be appreciated!
Happy planning! Cheers!
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Great post! I had a good friend struggle with this big time – guests would even make rude comments on FB. When it’s you’re wedding, you can do what you want. And, until then, do judge how a couple chooses to manage their guest list.
Kudos for the post!
People don’t realize the amount of money they can save by doing this!! You don’t just save on catering, you save on centerpieces, linens, chairs/tables (if renting), cake, favors, paper (escort cards, table cards….) I mean the list goes on.
We tell this to brides a lot but people always do feel rude by not allowing a guest. We say if that person knows a few people at the wedding, they don’t need a guest anyway. If they know nobody other than you, you can allow them a guest so they feel comfortable.
Thanks ladies! It’s definitely something that is up to the bride and groom, and weddings are not cheap! Happens all to often!
I absolutely love this article! I couldn’t have said it better. I am posting this info on our blog with all the credit going to you here @ Dishy! Congrats on being such an inspiration to us all
Thank you Kimberly! You are too nice!!
Great post! I am dealing with that now, here it’s more like “YIKES they’re boyfriend really ruined that party we met him at, couldn’t keep his cool for a second!” but the excuses you have here are wonderful.
Thanks for the post!
Thanks Lizzie! It’s always a hard thing to deal with, but when done properly, your guests should understand.